Humble in the Prep, Confident in the Room: A Gritty Therapist Take on Self-Reflection
Hey everybody! Welcome to The Gritty Therapist.
We’re Cathy and Stefanie, and today’s episode (and post) is a cute little one that actually goes much deeper than it looks on the surface. We’re unpacking a single quote from our monthly Grit Kit—and how it captures something most therapists struggle to name but feel every day: the tension between humility, confidence, and growth in the therapy room.
Before we dive in, here’s what you’ll walk away with after reading:
In this post, you’ll explore:
Why humility in preparation is not weakness—and how it actually leads to stronger clinical confidence
How overthinking, self-criticism, and fear of mistakes quietly drain your energy as a therapist
What “confident execution” really looks like in session (hint: it’s not having all the answers)
How self-reflection—not self-judgment—is a core skill for becoming a grittier clinician
A simple, repeatable process for building confidence in the messy middle of therapy
This reflection comes from a quote we featured in our Grit Kit—something we choose intentionally every month because it reflects how we actually live and work as therapists. Not something pulled from the internet for convenience, but something that stopped us, challenged us, and changed the way we think about our work.
Let’s talk about why.
The Quote We Can’t Stop Thinking About
“Be humble in the preparation, but be confident in your execution.”
This quote comes from Andy Frisella, the founder of First Form. His personal story is intense—he came from nothing and went through a long recovery after being attacked and stabbed in the face. But what stood out most for us wasn’t the shock value of the story—it was what he teaches about the relationship between humility and confidence.
Because if we’re honest… therapists tend to have a complicated relationship with both.
Why Humility Can Feel Weirdly “Unsafe”
There’s something that often comes up for us when we talk about humility.
Sometimes, it doesn’t feel safe to be humble.
Not “dangerous” in a dramatic way—but more like this: If you’re humble, you’re vulnerable. And if you’re vulnerable, maybe your confidence takes a hit.
And then what?
Here’s the tension we see over and over again: If we can’t stay humble during preparation—learning, asking questions, staying open—then when it’s time to execute, we don’t actually execute with confidence.
As therapists, we want confidence badly—but we often resist the very process that builds it.
Because humility requires something most of us don’t love:
Being willing to make mistakes.
The Real Problem: We Say We’re “Open to Mistakes” Until We’re in the Moment
We hear it all the time:
“You have to be willing to make mistakes.”
But when it’s actually time to do that—in session, in supervision, in consultation—most people don’t want to. New clinicians especially don’t want to. And honestly, that makes sense.
When you’re sitting in front of a supervisor, or talking through a case with someone you respect, it can feel like you’re being evaluated. Like you should already know.
So instead of staying humble, we divert. We overthink. We try to sound more confident than we feel.
And then what happens?
Sometimes the intervention doesn’t land. And now you’re not only stuck—you’re discouraged. And that quiet voice creeps in telling you maybe you “can’t do this.”
That’s the loop.
The Email You Overthink for 20 Minutes
We both remember what it was like to be newer therapists—especially the way we used to overthink everything. Even something as small as sending a quick email to a supervisor could take far longer than it needed to.
Not because the question was complicated, but because we didn’t want to sound “dumb.” We didn’t want to make a mistake.
Eventually, it became clear: You don’t learn anything by overthinking an email for 20 minutes.
And the same thing applies to the questions you hesitate to ask:
about a client
about a modality
about what to do next in session
about whether you’re missing something
That moment—when you ask anyway—is where humility lives. And that’s where confidence is actually built.
Self-Care Is Fine…But Self-Evaluation Is Where the Growth Happens
We talk a lot about self-care, and yes—it matters. But in this conversation, we wanted to press into something deeper:
Self-evaluation.
Not self-criticism.
Not tearing yourself down.
Not “I should have known that.”
Self-evaluation is being able to say, with humility and compassion:
“I might be the barrier here.”
Sometimes we lose objectivity in session. Sometimeswe’rethe thing getting in the way. And when we can name that without crushing ourselves—that’s the sweet spot.
Instead of saying,“My gosh, I should have known that,”it becomes:
“Of course I didn’t know that. I’m still learning.”
That’s not a flaw. That’s being human.
What Does “Confident Execution” Even Mean as a Therapist?
Confidence carries a lot of weight.
It’s easy to think confidence means:
always knowing what to do
having the perfect intervention
never feeling nervous
never getting stuck
But that’s not real therapy.
For us, confident execution looks more like this:
Going into session knowing you don’t know exactly what to do, but having a general direction. Being willing to accept what shows up. Letting go of the need to control every part of the session.
That’s the messy middle.
And as therapists, we don’t get out of the messy middle. We live there.
The Gritty Confidence Cycle
This is something we say all the time because it works:
Ask.
Explore.
Get feedback.
Try again.
Then you go back to your people—your supervisor, your consultation group, your gritty therapist BFF—and you run the cycle again.
That’s how confidence actually builds. Not by eliminating uncertainty—but by getting reps inside it.
When the Question Changes, Everything Changes
In consultation, we’ve seen this moment over and over again: A clinician brings a case, but underneath the clinical content, there’s fear.
And instead of staying on the surface-level question—“What do I do with this client?”—the deeper work becomes bringing the therapist into the room too.
Not as criticism.
As exploration.
Because if you’re scared in session, confidence disappears fast. It can lead to imposter syndrome, avoidance, wanting to discharge the client, or feeling completely stuck.
So the real questions become:
What’s happening inside of me right now?
What am I afraid of?
How might that be shaping what I’m doing in the room?
When a clinician can name that without turning it into a character flaw, everything shifts. The whole room changes.
That’s awareness.
That’s humility.
That’s gritty confidence.
Two Action Items (Yes, We’re Giving You Homework)
We wanted to leave you with one action item… but it turned into two.
Action Item #1
When you consult on cases, practice self-reflective capacity and humility. Then intentionally notice what happens to your confidence in session afterward.
Action Item #2
Get on our newsletter list.
We genuinely love doing this work with you. Our hope is to help you build grit and understand something we say all the time:
Grit is not about grinding.
Grit is about growing with confidence.
Follow us on Instagram for more behind-the-scenes reflections from the therapy room, and we’ll see you next time.
Your gritty girls,
Stef & Cathy
A note before you go
If this post helped you notice how often you’re holding yourself to impossible standards—expecting confidence without room for humility, or execution without preparation—you’re not alone.
The Grit Shift was created for therapists who live in that messy middle: the space where you’re doing your best, still learning, and carrying a lot more than anyone sees. It’s for those moments when you realize you might be the barrier—not as a flaw, but as an invitation to slow down, reflect, and reset.
This isn’t about trying harder or getting it “right.” It’s about building the kind of self-reflective capacity we talked about here—so you can prepare with humility, show up with steadier confidence, and stop burning energy on self-criticism that doesn’t actually help your work.
If you’re in a season where you feel stretched, overthinking, or quietly questioning yourself after sessions, The Grit Shift offers a grounded way to step back, ask better questions, and return with more clarity.
Whether you use EMDR, talk therapy, CBT, somatic work, or you're still finding your style…confidence in the room matters. Get instant, lifetime access to The Grit Shift Class. The first class of the course, Therapist AF. A one-hour class packed with practical tools, regulation strategies, and a free worksheet to help you shift from rookie to ready.
