Involving Parents in Therapy with Children and Adolescents: Trauma, Attachment, and Co-Regulation

Working with kids and teens who have attachment trauma, and feeling stuck? In this episode of the Gettin' Gritty Podcast for Mental Health Therapists, we (Cathy Schweitzer and Stefanie Armstrong) walk you through the "scared-scary cycle." It's a simple family therapy intervention that helps you break the pattern by working with the parents first. And, we've got a guide to go right along with it.  Grab yours here.

Here's the cycle we see in our offices all the time: a scared child acts scary. Those scary behaviors (multi-hour meltdowns, running away, stealing, non-compliance, "I hate you") scare the parents. Then scared parents act scary right back, with consequences like "you can never have your phone again." Everybody is being protective, and everybody is stuck.

Kids "live within that parent-child relationship and not in relationship necessarily with me in my office." So if you're only working with the child, you're missing an entire piece of the therapeutic work.

In this episode, we cover:

• How we map the scared-scary cycle on a whiteboard so parents can actually see it

• Why trauma behaviors are protective, and how to help parents connect present-day behavior to past experiences

• How your attunement to the parent creates co-regulation at home

• Our "you hardly stole any phones this week" story, and why meeting a child with attunement instead of fear can extinguish a behavior

• Why parents who seem mean are usually protective, defensive, and exhausted

• How you can use this intervention with adult clients and couples too

• Your action item: pick one family, use CPT code 90846 for a parent-only session, and just try it

We'll be honest: this work takes grit. It takes confidence, and confidence comes from "action, action, action." Share this episode with one of your gritty besties and talk through how you'd bring it to a family on your caseload.

Referenced in this episode:

Integrative Parenting: Strategies for Raising Children Affected by Attachment Trauma (Wesselmann, Schweitzer & Armstrong, W.W. Norton, 2014)
Integrative Team Treatment for Attachment Trauma In Children: Family Therapy and EMDR (Wesselmann, Schweitzer & Armstrong, W.W. Norton, 2014)
Our related episode:Past. Present. Future. Intervention
Our related episode: Attachment Interventions for Kids

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• The Cord Where Science Meets Connection attachment/trauma-focused therapy. 

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