Addressing Lying in Therapy with Youth: Building Trust in Family Therapy that goes Beyond Behavior
When a child lies, it’s easy for parents and even therapists to focus entirely on stopping the behavior. But lying is rarely just about the lie.
In Part 2 of our Behavioral Math series, (Check out Part 1 HERE )we explore how child and family therapists can look beneath lying, dishonesty, and other challenging behaviors to understand the thoughts, feelings, body sensations, attachment needs, and relationship dynamics driving them.
We discuss why sticker charts, reward systems, and consequences may create short-term compliance without addressing the root of the behavior. We also share practical, attachment-based strategies for helping caregivers build trust, respond with greater regulation, and use less shame-based language with their children.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
How to use “behavioral math” to uncover what’s underneath a child’s behavior
Why children and teenagers lie from a developmental perspective
How changing “lying” to “inaccuracy” can reduce shame and then reduce lying over time
Why caregiver involvement is essential when addressing dishonesty
How attachment disruptions and trauma effect a child’s ability to trust
A real-life homework intervention that helped reduce conflict and increase responsibility
How EMDR-informed and relationship-based approaches create deeper, lasting change
If you work with children, adolescents, parents, foster families, or adoptive families, this episode will help you move beyond managing the behavior of the week and begin addressing the relationship and the unmet need underneath it.
Because behavior isn’t just behavior. And building trust requires more than earning another sticker on a chart.
Stay Gritty!
Connect with us! Check out our freebies and our NEW Grit School:
Therapist AF: Grit School for the Real World, practical skills, nervous system grounding, and the reps grad school skipped
The Gritty Therapist freebies, tools, and support: thegrittytherapist.com
The Cord Where Science Meets Connection attachment/trauma-focused therapy.
Follow along on Instagram @grittytherapist and go get your gritty on.
THE GRITTY THERAPIST SHOP
More Resources Made For Therapists
A simple, in-the-moment reset for therapists when imposter syndrome shows up.
This free ACT-based tool guides you through awareness, connection, and grounded action so you can interrupt the spiral and return to presence in session.